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Twenty something trying to figure it all out, knowing all along I never will.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Public Explosions via The Internet

You've had a day like my today, I'm sure of it.

Not that everything went wrong, but everything that happened bugged the mess outta you. So when I say I had a bad day I'm talking about the bad days that you see in movies where EVERYTHING is extreme and you feel so awful for the main character until the end when it all works out. My day isn't over yet so I can't tell you if it ends well.

But the scary part about my day isn't how disturbingly awful it was, but that the only place I have to vent about it is the internet. Where anyone and everyone who is willing has access.

I'd say I've done a pretty good job about maintaining my social profiles with a strict sense of privacy, nobody ever knows exactly what I'm doing, I barely update my status's on Facebook and usually make fun of people who do. I try to give people insight but not information, so they think they know, but they really have NO idea.

I don't tweet constantly about my day, I try to use that strictly for my business and to update people on blog posts, and pictures of new products.

But every now and then I slip. Because of some extreme emotion, sadness, anger, bitterness, happiness, whatever the case may be, and I let "them" know too much and just TYPE and click "publish" or "submit"

I feel the regret almost immediately after when I realize that people actually READ that stuff and I start getting comments! =/ Comments from people who care, text messages from my closer friends and all of a sudden I'm deflecting the inquiry's requiring me to explain. I don't want to explain, I just want to be bitter!

In my haste I assume everyone is just like me, who skims all the content of the site, not taking anything to seriously and rarely taking time to comment or take seriously what is being posted. But all too quickly I realize not everyone is like me and people out there do read what's in front of them, that's not weird. I should expect that.

I can't start making a habit of updating the world wide web of my happenings, pretty soon they'll see the monsoon of an emotional roller coaster I ride everyday. From my status update worthy dates with KP, my tweet worthy rants, and the blogs written through a torrential down pour of tears, I'd for sure have more followers because that's some interesting crap. But I'm sure I'd have less real life friends. So I'm gonna have to learn how to control myself in the future when I feel a public explosion brewing inside and just grab the journal that I carry in my purse.

Don't need to expose "today's" like that.

With God and my journal all things are possible.

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