30 Minutes to 30

I have 30 minutes left and I can feel my palms getting sweaty as each minute of my 20's ticks away.  It's been such a long time since a significant birthday that I don't really know how to respond.

3 decades huh.

10 years was exciting.  Pre-teen, double digits, nothing to be stressed about, only golden roads ahead because maybe 10 meant I'd be tall enough for the rollercoasters at the boardwalk!

20 years was slightly disturbing because I couldn't blame all of my lame antics on being a young dumb teenager.  That was easily overcome because I soon realized that the world also thought 20 somethings were young and dumb as well!  Problem solved.

30...

Do people still think we're young and dumb?  Not likely.  Which I find may be slightly unacceptable.

The past few days I've been in a turning 30 funk, like for real.  Nothing people haven't heard before, just the typical,

"OMG I'm not where I wanted to be when I turned 30.  WHAaaaaaaaaaaaah.  I was 'suppose' to be married with kids and a soccer van with snacks in the back BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Instead, No, no husband, no kids, no van and for sure no snacks!  Nothing in the fridge for that matter.  (But there is an entire tray of brownies on my stove.)  But I'm not singing the single and ready to mingle tune.  Or 30 is the new 20.

Because let's be clear.  30 is NOT 20.  My butt, for SURE, is not where is was 10 years ago!  And I now have to stretch before exercising. Not 20.

20 was my time for self discovery, becoming who I am, exploring myself and exploring the world, taking life by the balls and going for broke!

I'm hoping I don't have to do another 10 years of that.  I'm hoping to learn something from 30.  I'm hoping I can be that person that I found in my 20's, really capitalize on what I'm good at, and what I was made for.  I want 30 to teach me how to own where I am in life and how to love who God made me to be and not what I've accomplished "so far."

I think with God (and a teenie bit of help from the internet) this is TOTALLY possible!
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Handling it is not Possible

God will never give you more than you can handle.

Thats what "they" say.

Well frankly I don't believe it.

Do you recall those nights you spent in the fetal position balling your eyes out trying to distract yourself from the carouse wheel of thoughts going through your mind, replaying terrible conversations, attempting to fight back random outbursts, having unnecessary fights and complete and utter breakdowns, I find it very hard to believe that any of that represents ANY version of "handling" it.


Will you live through this? Yes.

More than likely it won't kill you.

But Is it more than you can handle?  Yes. ABSOLUTELY.

I am not that strong.  (I'm also slightly dramatic...)

I've been in depressing situations before.  I worked for the Devil Wears Prada back in my New York days and thought I'd never be the same after that experience.  Yet somehow the human psyche is resilient and I made it back to myself.

But during that time did I handle it?  No way.  I was angry, I cried, I got depressed, I GOT ZITS!

Now don't get me wrong I don't think God threw me under the bus or anything.  I just feel like maybe that saying is a little off.

Like maybe...

God will never give you more than HE can handle.

Because I can't handle much of anything.  But WITH God...well we all know my stance on that one.

With God (the internet...and lately lots of coffee) ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!