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Twenty something trying to figure it all out, knowing all along I never will.

Monday, November 26, 2012

From lake water to salt water

Remember what it was like starting your first day of high school?

New school, older kids who already knew a thing or two about the show, feeling like you went from lake water to salt water.

Going from junior high where you ruled the school, established yourself, made friends, dominated in sports and choir, teachers loved you...

You knew everything. Every secret. Every problem. And how to solve them.

I mean it took years to get you to where you were, figuring out who you were and how you fit in. To be on top of it all and then WHAM!

High School.

(because your birthday was a week ago)

Dodging 18 year old, potential army recruits in the hallway, completely lost trying to find your class.

New expectations from jaded teachers.

All your old friends dressed in new grown up clothes and you're wearing the same dress you wore the first day of school last year with your favorite number on it, that went over so well last year...

Wanting to stay home to avoid the change and impending humiliation.

Trying to remember WHY you were so excited ALL summer long for high school to start?

Parents promising that what you learn in high school will help prepare you for the real world.

Not knowing that what you learn in class is pretty much null and void in the real world, but the adaptability skills you acquire is what you will learn to pull from in the future.

I started a new job and that eerily familiar feeling of first day/week jitters came back all over again.

What do I wear? How do I act? Is everyone going to be nice? What about my old friends that aren't coming with me to my new job?

I don't fit in. I stick out like a sore thumb. Nobody knows me at all.

Can I just go back to my old job and the comforts of the mayhem there?

What comforts me, ironically, is knowing I've done this all before. Twice.


As an extra small 14 year old. Walking into a big brand new school. Only knowing a couple of people. Not once but twice in the same year having transferred to another high school mid year.

Knowing I walked in confidently, figured it out, got through it.

And remembering how high school ended...


If 14 year old me can turn a big scary situation into a complete success without the tools and life experience I have now then what makes me think I can't do it now? 15 years later?

Throw in some of that 14 year old disillusionment and spunk and the things I know now, I know everything will be just fine.

Because, now I know that, with God (and the Internet) all things are possible!


Monday, March 5, 2012

I drank my half full glass

The past few months I've been crazy happy about my life.

I mean it's awesome.

Although I'm old. I'm proud of myself.

My own place. A job I like. A small business with loads of potential. A hot and successful boyfriend. I'm working out and my clothes look great on me!

Then all of a sudden I realize that HEY...I've got 3 traffic tickets in the last 2 months. Those aren't cheap. And traffic school is not the place to be.

Shoot. I left my oven on broil last night and fell asleep.

NO! I drove to work and left my heater on. AND fell asleep with it on and charred my comforter.

Wow! I'm so Rich! I have so much money I might be in surplus this month! Just kidding my rent is just late...

Within one day my life sucked! Seriously! I tried to rationalize all the reasons why my life was in shambles...do I have too much on my plate? Have I made a million wrong life decisions? Am I starting my period?

My glass used to be half full, I'm sure of it.

But I think one night when I got really thirsty I drank it all.

Goal for the week. So start filling my glass back up and make my grass greener!

With God (and the internet) I'm pretty sure that's doable.