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Twenty something trying to figure it all out, knowing all along I never will.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Try Harder so you can Fail

"If you aren't failing, you aren't trying hard enough."

What the Crap kind of motivation is that?! I don't need to TRY to fail. I could write a book on how to successfully fail, but where would that get me?

For the first time I read this quote and got so irritated and a little offended. I've heard this quote before and lately I've been hearing it a lot. On tv, other blog posts, and many other pseudo inspirational media. I'm not attacking people trying to be inspirational, I'm attacking this very idea that you have to measure your success by your failures.

That's like making the loser feel better by calling them "1st Runner Up"

or trying to ease the crying of the ugly girl by saying that they have a great personality and that's all you need.

Runner up is just a fancy name for loser, being ugly will give you a lot of lonely nights, failing is failing. In every case the loser just isn't quite there yet.

You have to fail before you succeed yes.

But frankly I'm sick and tired of failing and I don't want to feel like I have to keep failing in order to be a success somewhere. I've failed at everything it seems like, and I think it's about freaking time I get some success! And I don't want to have to fail AGAIN to do that!

Why can't I just work hard and succeed? Why can't I just focus, do it right and not fail? Why do I have to try harder if failure is supposedly success?!

But who am I to talk. The girl with a million excuses about why she didn't turn in her work (a million great excuses I might add), or trying to take the short cut on everything, who tries to get better at sports by not practicing...

All I'm trying to say is, that quote is that last thing I want to hear while I'm facing my latest business endeavor. Failure is not an option this time, and I don't want some quote telling me that it's not only ok to fail, but that it means I must be "trying really hard!" Come on. Don't try to sugar coat failure.

It Sucks.

Because in my world failure doesn't equal hard work, failure is laying down and letting life happen while you watch it fly by like an idiot. And I'm not going to let it happen to me again.

With God and the internet all things are possible.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Emotional Pins and Needles

Do you know what it feels like to be sitting on pins and needles?

One time in high school I walked into my history class, senior year, and went to my normal seat I sat in every day. Threw my backpack on the floor like I always did, and plopped down in my seat while still talking to my friend like usual. Only to be unpleasantly STABBED by a seat full of Thumbtacks!

Who does that!!!!!

Needless to say I shot out of my chair at LIGHTNING SPEED! And had to pick out the remaining tacks from my rump. And the pain was over.

Easy solution for actual pins and needles, but emotional pins and needles are much worse because frankly, you can't just bounce off the chair.

KP (the boyfriend) and I were texting each other the other night as I was going to bed. And unusually I was the one that was ready to say goodbye. But he had a surprise.

"I got some bad news at work this week ;-/" WHAT?
"They announced that a lot of positions are moving to Chicago..."

Freaking FANTASTIC!!!!

"We're supposed to find out next week if we are going in the first 'wave'"

Don't forget that I JUST moved back to California from being on the east coast for 3 years, and being in a long distance relationship for 3 YEARS. And now that I'm finally settling into a routine of being home, working during the week and driving the hour it takes to see him on the weekends, he "might" be moving to Chicago.

I fully believe that they will choose to transfer him for a number of reasons that aren't exciting enough to post. But as far as I am concerned I know they already know who's going and I just wish they would just tell me so I can stop sitting uncomfortably on these pins and needles, wondering, anticipating, and analyzing every possible scenario, from whether I'll end up moving to Chicago too, or if I'll have to be a SERIAL LONG DISTANCE DATER!


I always tell people "Life Happens." I really hate that saying now.

Maybe he won't have to move. Maybe we can live happily ever after. Maybe we'll live in the same CITY before we get married. (Don't worry marriage isn't even on the table right now. Obviously.)

With God (and I think this has nothing to do with the internet) all things are possible!