About Me

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Twenty something trying to figure it all out, knowing all along I never will.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Sharing Intimate Moments with a Pimple

I'm gazing affectionately at Boyfriend, lying on my back, as he hovers over me, fiercly focused on my face, studying it intently. How romantic, he's trying to memorize every curve of my face *smile*...

He reaches down to touch my face and stops with his fingers on my forehead and says...

"I've gotta get this pimple!"

...

Gee thanks.

He proceeds to "get the sucker"

That's not the first time this has happened. And stop thinking that I must have bad acne, because that's not the case. The worst it usually gets are those mini annoying skin colored pimples that never turn white, but beg for you to scratch them off.

I am in the process of convincing myself that it's just his excuse to touch my face. It's not like I mind, he does a great job and it's to my benefit to have my own extractionist.

It just stinks when you're having an intimate moment with someone and they are accepting a personal challenge with the pimple on your face!

Only solution. Clean my face! Then maybe I can get him to stroke my cheek affectionately while gazing into my eyes...Yeah, maybe in my BEST dream!

It could happen! Because with God (and in most cases the internet) all things are possible.

Oh man he's lucky I love him like crazy!


Friday, November 20, 2009

Marshmallow Meltdown

Mental meltdown to the extreme today.

Sorry mom.

I don't think a lot of my friends get it. I tell them I'm living at home and they look at me with envy and say, "I would do that in a minute."

Really?

Then they all launch into how they would live at home and stack and save their money. That's great. You're willing to sacrifice your freedom, independence and everything that comes with adulthood for money...

Maybe that's the problem. I've NEVER been money motivated. My dad offered to pay me, by the 1/2 hour, one summer for practicing basketball. I think I made $20. I've tried network marketing and couldn't envision the endless supply of residual income at the cost of losing a year of my life to build a business. I've turned jobs down with good pay, and lived on a budget of $14 a week for food. I'm just not willing to sacrifice myself for money.

I think that's why living with my parents is so tough. And it's not totally their fault. They've been pretty respectful of me and my things, even though I've made quite the mess a few times with all of my sewing stuff and I'm sure it's harder for them to have this "intruder" living in their house after all these years of being alone, than it is for me to give up my personal space and be able to live near my family again.

I'm probably selfish. But I can't figure out how to adjust. I just freaked out at my mom for mixing 3 stale marshmallows with a bag of new marshmallows...seriously. I had tears in my eyes.

Who does that?!

ME

I just want to be able to live here peacefully until I have the means to live somewhere else. Which if I'm serious about starting this business, and I am, I'm going to have to stick it out and take a chill pill when I don't get my way. It's not my house and I finally have to freedom to start a business.

Lord knows how long it'll take...

But with God and the internet I will make it possible!


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Wasting Hotness in High School

I straightened my mane of curly hair tonight, and I look fantastic! Minus the ichy hives from God knows what covering my face, chest and arms...(another story for another day.)

Who knew I had thick, black hair, red carpet ready and down to my waist that flows behind me like Pocahontas.

My first thought after seeing my reflection in the mirror..."If only I looked like this in high school."

This isn't a new thought. Almost everytime I've had a "hot" day since high school graduation I've said that to myself, or something along those lines. And I imagine all the boys I thought were cute who never gave me a second look, and wish I could see their faces when they saw me looking like a bombshell!

I'M 26!!!!

So I consider this fantasy a little pathetic. And at some point I'm going to have to get over being the not hot girl from high school, because I have this fear that I'm going to be that mother who does who does everything to make her daughter the prettiest one in school because she never was.

Now let's not get confused. My complex is not because I wasn't cool or had low self esteem, and was some outcasted reject. On the contrary. My role in high school was very necessary, 3 sport varsity athlete, league champion in tennis, 2nd team all league in basketball, triple jump record in track, in all 4 high school musicals, on the honor roll, and was homecoming queen senior year...

But I never had a boyfriend, was never asked out on a date, barely even asked to school dances, and it's possible that 1 boy liked me for a couple weeks my junior year. I had a bus load full of guy friends who saw me as "One of the guys" which for the record NO girl wants to be unless she likes girls. I like boys.

And although I had SO SO much going for me in high school I wanted to be THAT GIRL. You know the one. The one who all the guys wanted, who they all talked about when they were with each other, the one they all scrambled to ask to the dance. The one who all the girls wanted to be.

I thought that being pretty would do all that for me.

I just needed a new set of eyes.

When I went to college I became THAT GIRL. (If only for a season.) And I realized it wasn't my looks. But I'd become a different, confident person, which made me feel pretty.

So when I have these thoughts now, about how I wish they could see me now. It's only because I know that who I am now is irresistible to them! And I kinda want to SHOVE that in their faces!

A mean thought, but I'm sure God agrees. And with the modern day internet this IS possible haha!!

And for the record...I'm glad I didn't waste my hottness in High School. It has so much more use now!