Mistaken Expectations That They Don't Tell You

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Clap clap clap clap"

They sure didn't!

I've misunderstood every segment of my life, and have expected everything that did not happen.

As I've said before, I never thought much about anything before the age of 10, and after that everything I thought was wrong.

Going into Junior high I thought that we'd all be mature enough to tell the boys we liked that we liked them, and not have to keep in a secret anymore. Apparently that's just not how it works, at ANY age. I ended up doodling my multiple crushes names all over my notebooks and in the notes to my friends, but NEVER to the boy.

I thought by the time I was 16 I'd be beautiful, with beautiful long hair, driving and going on dates. I'd even invented this snazzy backless shirt with my turtleneck that I thought for sure I'd be wearing when I was 16 (woah there little fashion designer). I dreamed of my prom, and prom dress and how cool it would be if at Senior Ball there was a ball pit, like the one at Chuck E Cheese. I'd definitely have a boyfriend AND all the boys would like me and want to date me. I had a clear vision.

When I was 16 I'm sure someone thought I was beautiful. My mom maybe. Probably God. I still didn't know how to style the curly poof on my head, but I was getting better. It was long...it shouldn't have been. I had my ugly face permit until I was 17, which became my ugly face drivers license. Didn't get asked to my prom, or Senior Ball for that matter and had to find my own dates. I'm still pretty mad about that. Obviously neither one had a ball pit. And not only did I NOT have a boyfriend, I'm not so sure any guy in my school even considered me a girl.

I stopped expecting so much for college since I was so far off on my first two predictions. I made a mental note that I would work EXTRA hard in college, take extra classes and summer school, and be buried in the books so that I could graduate on time or even early.

I did nothing of the sort. Although I maintained above a 3.0 GPA for my entire college career, I had a friend ask me if I even went to school, because they never saw me going to class, studying, talking about class or anything. It was like I just hung out AT school, but didn't actually go. *sigh* So much for that prediction. On the upside, I got hot for a season and guys were FINALLY freaking noticing me! Woot woot! Didn't see that coming at all!

In the back of my mind I figured I'd be married at the end of college, and barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life so I could be on eternal maternity leave from work, because the thought of work just confused me. No, seriously I actually told people that on a regular basis. I still think it's one heck of a plan!

Towards the end of my Super Senior year (5th year), when I was sort of dating KP, I had an "ah ha" moment. I would NOT be getting married that summer...I would NOT be barefoot and pregnant anytime soon...I WOULD have to take care of myself...*tear*

Somewhere around that time KP wrote me a letter saying that my "perception of reality is sometimes funny =)" I was a little offended, but stinkin guy is always right on.

And I actually never thought of where I would be past the age of 26, and I only thought that far because we had to write where we wanted to be in 10 years when I was 16...in Mrs. Farhner's English class. She didn't like me. And I no longer have that paper. But it's safe to assume I thought I'd be beautiful, with long hair, married, with children, and pregnant...barefoot.

And what else could possibly happen after that!

Anyhow, during every mistaken expectation I've had over the years I would loudly exclaim to anyone who was within earshot "NOBODY TELLS YOU THIS! Why doesn't anybody tell you this!" Followed by "I'm gonna write a book." Yes, 12 years old, ready to write a book warning the next generation not to tell the boy they like that they like them.

Since I was wrong about everything up until now I have come full circle and realized I was the smartest before I started thinking. I have NO idea what to expect in the coming years. Not a clue. And there's obviously no point in guessing.

But with God and the internet I'm sure I'll get there somehow.