Re-Uniting with my Potential

I don't have the lack of talent problem. I'm one of the lucky ones who's been blessed with the ability to do and love doing many many things. That's one of the perks of living in my world. There isn't much that intimidates me and there isn't much that I am unable to do.

That is my problem.

I've spent 26 years now as the girl with so much POTENTIAL! I've heard from numerous people throughout my life tell me "Punky, I can't wait to see where you end up." or "You're the person who I'd really like to catch up with in 10 years to see what you are doing and where you are." Because they all saw this showstopper waiting to burst onto the scene once the real world became my play ground.

Ironically I was waiting to burst onto the scene too. Except I had the "one day" syndrome. You know the one. Like: One day I am going to have an AMAZING job. One day I am going to be a singer. One day I am going to have a job where I have to wear heels. One day I will win a Grammy and cry during my acceptance speech, while I thank God and my good friends and inspiration Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey...One day. That'll be a great day!

It never occured to me that to get to that day I had to actually DO something to get there! I just figured my potential would hop on a plane and catch up to me and Poof I'd be set. My potential must've tried to find me at one point, but got frusterated along the way when I kept moving around from job to job! Probably between 2005-2008. It was a busy time =)

So now I'm at the point where I need to sit down with my Po* and have a conversation about traveling together in the future. I think we'd be a good team and could "potentially" make a positive footprint on this side of eternity.

But considering the neglect I've shown her the past few years it will take some coaxing to get Po back on my team. Who knew Po had feelings? Or a busy schedule for that matter!

So that's my quest for the week. But I believe me and Po will reunite in the end and create something this world has never imagined, because I have God and the Internet on my side! And with those ALL things are possible!

*I got tired of writing "Potential" so I gave her a new name. I hope that didn't confuse you!

I used to WHINE about success

There was a time (about a half an hour ago) where I used to get very bitter about being 25 and not doing what I wanted with my life. I've always known what I wanted to do, but I'm quite the dreamer and my ambitions were never to be a teacher, counselor, criminal or any of those other attainable jobs that other kids dream about.

I wanted to be a SINGER, WRITER and MOTHER! Well the last one is easy with the help of a broken condom, missed birth control, and a willing, or unknowing, partner. (Don't worry I would never do that, I'm the sweet little Christian conservative girl that you pray your daughter would end up like.) I was never concerned about that one, or rushed for that matter. It was the first two that depressed me to no end.

I must've blanked before college because for reasons I still struggle to justify, I chose to be a fashion design major. No, I don't regret my decision. I just wonder why no one thought that that was weird and told me:

"Punky. You're suppose to major in something that you want a career in. Not something you just want to learn how to do."

In my defense I was really good. I awarded myself 'The most innovative' and 'biggest risk taker' in class. Due to the fact that my senior year I ran out of money still had to eat and pay rent and had no money to buy fabric for my final. So I called up my buddy and had him bring me some old t-shirts so I could make the gauchos and sweater I'd created a pattern for out of them. I didn't only earn my own accolades, I did win the "Most Creative" award for a little get up I made out of Caution tape, Danger tape and Duct tape. And was known for making shorts reminiscent of underwear...

But I spent my entire childhood addicted to my karaoke machine and filling up journal after journal. By the time I hit college I had over 14 journals, hundreds of poems and songs, and scrap paper, receipts, napkins anything you could write on, filled with words. Sometimes I'm blind to the obvious.

After college now armed with my "Bachelor of Science in Apparel Design and Merchandising" (Yes, it is considered a Science at SFSU. Don't bring it up to my Electrical Engineering boyfriend who got a Bachelor of Arts degree. 3 years later he still can't come to terms with it. I digress)

Anyhow, now armed with my new fashion degree, the only jobs I wanted to apply for were writing jobs or somewhere in the non fashion entertainment world. Music. But I didn't qualify for any jobs like that with a fashion degree.

Now 3 years out of college and anywhere from 7-10 unsatisfying jobs later the LIGHTBULB went on!

Eff getting paid to sing and write. I can do all of that via the internet. No editors, No record labels, No creative boundaries...

No money either...

But that's not what it's about anyway. Right? =)

So tonight as I got out of the shower I decided it was time to do what I've always wanted to do. Sing and Write.

If you enjoy please stay and read. If not...Tell someone how you read this awful blog and that they should read it too so you can both talk about how painful it was to get to the end =)

Until my next urg to pound the keys...

Remember With God and a little help from the internet ALL things are possible!

Punky