Coming Back Full Circle--Homeless in SF

This week I am a 26 year old, full time, live in nanny.

Next week I will be a hip New Yorker, hitting the corner deli for a hot cajun turkey sub, with pepperjack, on a hero.

The week after that I will be homeless in San Francisco...again. That city just seems to bring the homeless out of me.

The last time I lived there I left with literally NOTHING.

It was my Super Senior year in college. 5 years of hard work and the ups and downs that many college students have to endure. Being independent, living on your own for the first time, breaking away from the parents, having your sports team cut during budget cuts because California (the WORLD'S 5th largest economy) can't manage their money, and neither can your University, and testing the waters of your first serious relationship with the cute boy from the wrestling team after very little success with every other sports team...Sorry, digressing is in my nature.

It's April of 2006, 2 months until graduation which means final deadlines are coming up. I am the head of 4 major Pass or Fail class projects that are all imperitive to my getting a degree, an end of the year fashion show which I have entered a swimwear line and individual look (my caution and danger tape outfit I spoke of in the first blog.) My parent's had just left for South Africa because my mother was playing in the Tennis World Cup, and Easter was right around the corner.

And much to my surprise after coming home from my churches Easter musical I find my house BURNED down...

Apparently there was an electical malfunction in my room that the arson report deems as "not my fault" in so many words, that left my room in ashes, every appliance in the kitchen melted, major smoke damage done to my roommates things, and the incredibly putrid stench that lingered around the property for weeks. Not to mention that the heavenly Chicken Enchiladas I had made before we left were totally fried. Need I say that I had nothing left?

The night it happened my not yet boyfriend was with me and seemed a little more shaken up about it than I was. And with my parents out of the country for the first time in my life, my sister not answering her phone, and my best friend thinking that she was dreaming when I told her, I settled on calling my sisters ex-boyfriend from high school, 12 years her ex. Who couldn't actually do anything for me, but I wanted somebody to care. So I slept at my friend Shannon's house and all we could do was laugh about all the stuff that BURNED! Not PC I know but what could I do. My life was literally in ashes.

All 4 of the projects I was leading were on my toasted computer. My entire swimwear line for the fashion show, which was in two weeks, was completely destroyed, along with my brand new barely used sewing machine. As well as a few projects I couldn't get myself to start from scratch and do all over again, so instead of turning in nothing I turned in pictures of my fire and labeled those parts of my scorched room where the semester long projects used to lie. My teachers were sympathetic, Thank God, and one even told me that was the best excuse they'd heard in 25 years of teaching. Sweet.

So for 2 months I had no where to go and a lot of work to do in order to graduate. I remember one time I was in my car (which had turned into my mobile home) I had to go to the bathroom really bad and didn't know what to do. I had no home to go to and couldn't find parking at school, so I drove to a near by mall to use the restroom inside...

This was the last time I lived in San Francisco. Leaving there was the easiest move of my life to say the least. I only had myself, and some clothes that some friends had donated to me after they found out about my latest adventure with destruction.

So although I am coming back with more than a suitcase I am still coming back almost the way I left. Jobless, homeless, and with a degree I should put to use...

I guess life really does come full circle. At least this time I have a hot ex-wrestling turned aifcraft engineer boyfriend to keep me company =D

With God and the internet I can find a job and a home?!

I used to WHINE about success

There was a time (about a half an hour ago) where I used to get very bitter about being 25 and not doing what I wanted with my life. I've always known what I wanted to do, but I'm quite the dreamer and my ambitions were never to be a teacher, counselor, criminal or any of those other attainable jobs that other kids dream about.

I wanted to be a SINGER, WRITER and MOTHER! Well the last one is easy with the help of a broken condom, missed birth control, and a willing, or unknowing, partner. (Don't worry I would never do that, I'm the sweet little Christian conservative girl that you pray your daughter would end up like.) I was never concerned about that one, or rushed for that matter. It was the first two that depressed me to no end.

I must've blanked before college because for reasons I still struggle to justify, I chose to be a fashion design major. No, I don't regret my decision. I just wonder why no one thought that that was weird and told me:

"Punky. You're suppose to major in something that you want a career in. Not something you just want to learn how to do."

In my defense I was really good. I awarded myself 'The most innovative' and 'biggest risk taker' in class. Due to the fact that my senior year I ran out of money still had to eat and pay rent and had no money to buy fabric for my final. So I called up my buddy and had him bring me some old t-shirts so I could make the gauchos and sweater I'd created a pattern for out of them. I didn't only earn my own accolades, I did win the "Most Creative" award for a little get up I made out of Caution tape, Danger tape and Duct tape. And was known for making shorts reminiscent of underwear...

But I spent my entire childhood addicted to my karaoke machine and filling up journal after journal. By the time I hit college I had over 14 journals, hundreds of poems and songs, and scrap paper, receipts, napkins anything you could write on, filled with words. Sometimes I'm blind to the obvious.

After college now armed with my "Bachelor of Science in Apparel Design and Merchandising" (Yes, it is considered a Science at SFSU. Don't bring it up to my Electrical Engineering boyfriend who got a Bachelor of Arts degree. 3 years later he still can't come to terms with it. I digress)

Anyhow, now armed with my new fashion degree, the only jobs I wanted to apply for were writing jobs or somewhere in the non fashion entertainment world. Music. But I didn't qualify for any jobs like that with a fashion degree.

Now 3 years out of college and anywhere from 7-10 unsatisfying jobs later the LIGHTBULB went on!

Eff getting paid to sing and write. I can do all of that via the internet. No editors, No record labels, No creative boundaries...

No money either...

But that's not what it's about anyway. Right? =)

So tonight as I got out of the shower I decided it was time to do what I've always wanted to do. Sing and Write.

If you enjoy please stay and read. If not...Tell someone how you read this awful blog and that they should read it too so you can both talk about how painful it was to get to the end =)

Until my next urg to pound the keys...

Remember With God and a little help from the internet ALL things are possible!

Punky