From lake water to salt water

Remember what it was like starting your first day of high school?

New school, older kids who already knew a thing or two about the show, feeling like you went from lake water to salt water.

Going from junior high where you ruled the school, established yourself, made friends, dominated in sports and choir, teachers loved you...

You knew everything. Every secret. Every problem. And how to solve them.

I mean it took years to get you to where you were, figuring out who you were and how you fit in. To be on top of it all and then WHAM!

High School.

14
(because your birthday was a week ago)

Dodging 18 year old, potential army recruits in the hallway, completely lost trying to find your class.

New expectations from jaded teachers.

All your old friends dressed in new grown up clothes and you're wearing the same dress you wore the first day of school last year with your favorite number on it, that went over so well last year...

Wanting to stay home to avoid the change and impending humiliation.

Trying to remember WHY you were so excited ALL summer long for high school to start?

Parents promising that what you learn in high school will help prepare you for the real world.

Not knowing that what you learn in class is pretty much null and void in the real world, but the adaptability skills you acquire is what you will learn to pull from in the future.

I started a new job and that eerily familiar feeling of first day/week jitters came back all over again.

What do I wear? How do I act? Is everyone going to be nice? What about my old friends that aren't coming with me to my new job?

I don't fit in. I stick out like a sore thumb. Nobody knows me at all.

Can I just go back to my old job and the comforts of the mayhem there?

What comforts me, ironically, is knowing I've done this all before. Twice.

Me.

As an extra small 14 year old. Walking into a big brand new school. Only knowing a couple of people. Not once but twice in the same year having transferred to another high school mid year.

Knowing I walked in confidently, figured it out, got through it.

And remembering how high school ended...

AWESOMELY!

If 14 year old me can turn a big scary situation into a complete success without the tools and life experience I have now then what makes me think I can't do it now? 15 years later?

Throw in some of that 14 year old disillusionment and spunk and the things I know now, I know everything will be just fine.

Because, now I know that, with God (and the Internet) all things are possible!


=)

I drank my half full glass

The past few months I've been crazy happy about my life.

I mean it's awesome.

Although I'm old. I'm proud of myself.

My own place. A job I like. A small business with loads of potential. A hot and successful boyfriend. I'm working out and my clothes look great on me!

Then all of a sudden I realize that HEY...I've got 3 traffic tickets in the last 2 months. Those aren't cheap. And traffic school is not the place to be.

Shoot. I left my oven on broil last night and fell asleep.

NO! I drove to work and left my heater on. AND fell asleep with it on and charred my comforter.

Wow! I'm so Rich! I have so much money I might be in surplus this month! Just kidding my rent is just late...

Within one day my life sucked! Seriously! I tried to rationalize all the reasons why my life was in shambles...do I have too much on my plate? Have I made a million wrong life decisions? Am I starting my period?

My glass used to be half full, I'm sure of it.

But I think one night when I got really thirsty I drank it all.

Goal for the week. So start filling my glass back up and make my grass greener!

With God (and the internet) I'm pretty sure that's doable.

I'm Old But Don't Expect Anything

I'm old. I'm sure of it.

One- People GASP! When they hear my age.

Could be because I look not a day over 18...ok 19.

Or it could be because I'm OLD

Two- I can't just call my friends any more. All of a sudden I'm pencilling in phone dates with friends I've known for years.

Could be the sign of the times.

Or it could be because I'm OLD

But the thing about being 27 is that anyone in their 40's or 50's and possibly their late 30's, will tell you with all confidence

"27! Oh Honey you have plenty of time!"

I'm not sure they realize what I haven't done yet when they make a statement that large...But I'd rather not rebuttal with, (for fear of embarrassment)

"Really! =) You think I have plenty of time to move out of my parents house, start a career, get married, buy a house, have children, put them through college, retire and meet my grand kids before I'm blind or break a hip! Thank you that's so sweet."

But tell anyone who's your age, or around the ripe age of 20, how old you are and they think you're half way to the grave. Those are the ones that make me understand why women start to lie about their age.

There's an expectation people have of you when they find out your age. If you're 18 it's ok to have a high school diploma and a job at a cool retail spot.

If you're 27 and the only knowledge someone has is that you work retail you're an automatic failure at life. And I don't have the desire to explain why I'm so old to every Joe, John and Harry. It's easier to just say "I'm 18."

And Wha La. Zero expectations.

My only problem is the lying part, I'm a big lie hater and incessantly correct myself when I leave the truth behind. UGH!

My life is so hard!

But with God and the Internet I'm sure I'll manage =)

No Relationship, I Just want your Babies Please.

It's not my fault that the only boyfriend I've ever had is the one that I have now. Seriously. I was the best me I could be, athletic, cute, funny. Guys were interested.

BIG CATCH: They all wanted only to have my babies.

None of them actually wanted to properly "court" me and be my boyfriend as I so desired. They strictly wanted to impregnate me and watch our babies transform into these Super Human, Brown, Sports God's.

"BEASTS" as they'd affectionately refer to "our offspring."

As I mentioned in an earlier post I was quite a little athlete and while I thought it was a great reason for a guy to want me to be his girlfriend, they thought it was an even GREATER reason to skip all that nonsense and go straight for what really mattered. Passing on their DNA to a female host with an uncanny ability to master sports.

Which makes it safe to assume this could be part of the reason I've been able to maintain wearing my chastity belt for so long. Because I knew these fools were trying to be anything but "safe" and with the incredibly fertile females in my family, I knew if we were alone when the lights went out I'd probably be spitting out triplets at 17.

They loved that I was "Black" (I tried to tell them I was only half and any babies with them would only make them lighter. But to no avail) and that I was the strongest girl in school, and couldn't be beaten in 3 varsity sports.

Needless to say I always had a crush on whoever was propositioning me for children and I had the toughest time smashing into their brain that I just wanted them to take me on a date and love me!

With all these guys wanting me to bare their children it's surprising I didn't have my first kiss until a few weeks before my 18th birthday, with the guy who literally wanted to create a Super Human Race and even asked his girlfriend if he could have babies with a Black Girl (in retrospect...I should have known that was going no where. =/ )

And although it was depressing that my ovaries interested the other gender more than my personality or even my hot body! I knew that if I was doomed to be an old spinster, I would always be able to fulfill my dream of having a family. I could just close my eyes point a finger and WHAH LA! Baby Daddy!

Which makes me wonder where these girls find these guys who never want to have kids, because it seems the only ones I can find are ready to jump on board...or in bed...

Luckily, for now, I don't have to be on the hunt for a man who doesn't ONLY want me too fatten me up with his "seed."

Because with lots of God, and a little internet, I've found someone who know's there's a possibility our children may not be brown, possibly a bit clumsy, not very good at math, and is still willing to take the risk of loving me anyway. *sigh* Finally!

Growing out of Possible things

When I started this blog I titled it "With God (& the Internet) all things are possible. I was inspired by the title because I felt like I had SO much to accomplish and it was nice to be reminded that my life wasn't impossible, I could get where I needed to be, and that there was no reason I should be failing at anything because,

1. I had God

2. I had the Internet.

Seriously. What can't you do with that combo?

And as always, whether spoken or unspoken I expected a lot out of myself. And I Needed a lot out of myself. I needed to get somewhere, I needed to get something, I needed to see someone...

I figured once I took care of everything I "needed" I would be fine. Settled. Secure. Happy.

What I failed to think about was the pure FACT that as long as I'm alive I will always NEED something!

I subconsciously thought I would outgrow this title, that one day I wouldn't need to be reminded that with God all things are possible. Because I would've accomplished every possible thing and would someday be forced to change the title because it wouldn't apply to my life anymore...

As if I could grow out of "possible things" to do!

Well...this year I STILL- NEED to get somewhere, NEED to get something, and NEED to see someone.

I have SO much I need to accomplish this year! Just like last year...and the year before...

Yet I'm a much less scared person this time around...but I still need reminders that "With God (& the internet) all things are possible. Because this life is freaking scary sometimes!

One this is clear though. The title of this blog won't be changing anytime soon due to me accomplishing too much!

I am. According to Me.

Next time someone asks...

I'm everything I want to be.

I have a video of my niece when she was about 6 that my friend took on her camera phone. She said "Skai, tell me about yourself"

"My name is Skai...I'm an athlete, I'm a dancer, I'm a singer, ummm, I'm an athlete, I'm a basketball player, I'm a cheerleader...I'm a tennis player, I'm an athlete.... ummm...my name is Skai."

Now how good was she at any of these things? As good as any 6 year old girl can be. But in her mind did her lack of a job, skill, or age take away her right to be any of these things in her heart? Absolutely not!

As a 1st grader, she taught me that, you don't have to be Michael Angelo to be an artist, you don't have to play in the NBA to be a basketball player, you don't have to go to Juliard to be a dancer, you don't have a degree to be a teacher.

For me that meant you don't have to have a record deal to be a singer, you don't have to publish a book to be a writer, and I don't have to be Ralph Lauren to be a fashion designer. Maybe the world wouldn't label me as such but as far as I'm concerned,

I'm a singer. Even if it is only according to YouTube

I'm a writer. Even if it is only according to Blogger and Wordpress

I'm a fashion designer. Even if it is only according to Etsy

I'm HAPPY!

With God, the Internet, and Skai, this is possible

PS. This isn't the video of my niece, but its TOO cute and sort of works with what I'm trying to say =) Just enjoy it!

Public Explosions via The Internet

You've had a day like my today, I'm sure of it.

Not that everything went wrong, but everything that happened bugged the mess outta you. So when I say I had a bad day I'm talking about the bad days that you see in movies where EVERYTHING is extreme and you feel so awful for the main character until the end when it all works out. My day isn't over yet so I can't tell you if it ends well.

But the scary part about my day isn't how disturbingly awful it was, but that the only place I have to vent about it is the internet. Where anyone and everyone who is willing has access.

I'd say I've done a pretty good job about maintaining my social profiles with a strict sense of privacy, nobody ever knows exactly what I'm doing, I barely update my status's on Facebook and usually make fun of people who do. I try to give people insight but not information, so they think they know, but they really have NO idea.

I don't tweet constantly about my day, I try to use that strictly for my business and to update people on blog posts, and pictures of new products.

But every now and then I slip. Because of some extreme emotion, sadness, anger, bitterness, happiness, whatever the case may be, and I let "them" know too much and just TYPE and click "publish" or "submit"

I feel the regret almost immediately after when I realize that people actually READ that stuff and I start getting comments! =/ Comments from people who care, text messages from my closer friends and all of a sudden I'm deflecting the inquiry's requiring me to explain. I don't want to explain, I just want to be bitter!

In my haste I assume everyone is just like me, who skims all the content of the site, not taking anything to seriously and rarely taking time to comment or take seriously what is being posted. But all too quickly I realize not everyone is like me and people out there do read what's in front of them, that's not weird. I should expect that.

I can't start making a habit of updating the world wide web of my happenings, pretty soon they'll see the monsoon of an emotional roller coaster I ride everyday. From my status update worthy dates with KP, my tweet worthy rants, and the blogs written through a torrential down pour of tears, I'd for sure have more followers because that's some interesting crap. But I'm sure I'd have less real life friends. So I'm gonna have to learn how to control myself in the future when I feel a public explosion brewing inside and just grab the journal that I carry in my purse.

Don't need to expose "today's" like that.

With God and my journal all things are possible.