No Relationship, I Just want your Babies Please.

It's not my fault that the only boyfriend I've ever had is the one that I have now. Seriously. I was the best me I could be, athletic, cute, funny. Guys were interested.

BIG CATCH: They all wanted only to have my babies.

None of them actually wanted to properly "court" me and be my boyfriend as I so desired. They strictly wanted to impregnate me and watch our babies transform into these Super Human, Brown, Sports God's.

"BEASTS" as they'd affectionately refer to "our offspring."

As I mentioned in an earlier post I was quite a little athlete and while I thought it was a great reason for a guy to want me to be his girlfriend, they thought it was an even GREATER reason to skip all that nonsense and go straight for what really mattered. Passing on their DNA to a female host with an uncanny ability to master sports.

Which makes it safe to assume this could be part of the reason I've been able to maintain wearing my chastity belt for so long. Because I knew these fools were trying to be anything but "safe" and with the incredibly fertile females in my family, I knew if we were alone when the lights went out I'd probably be spitting out triplets at 17.

They loved that I was "Black" (I tried to tell them I was only half and any babies with them would only make them lighter. But to no avail) and that I was the strongest girl in school, and couldn't be beaten in 3 varsity sports.

Needless to say I always had a crush on whoever was propositioning me for children and I had the toughest time smashing into their brain that I just wanted them to take me on a date and love me!

With all these guys wanting me to bare their children it's surprising I didn't have my first kiss until a few weeks before my 18th birthday, with the guy who literally wanted to create a Super Human Race and even asked his girlfriend if he could have babies with a Black Girl (in retrospect...I should have known that was going no where. =/ )

And although it was depressing that my ovaries interested the other gender more than my personality or even my hot body! I knew that if I was doomed to be an old spinster, I would always be able to fulfill my dream of having a family. I could just close my eyes point a finger and WHAH LA! Baby Daddy!

Which makes me wonder where these girls find these guys who never want to have kids, because it seems the only ones I can find are ready to jump on board...or in bed...

Luckily, for now, I don't have to be on the hunt for a man who doesn't ONLY want me too fatten me up with his "seed."

Because with lots of God, and a little internet, I've found someone who know's there's a possibility our children may not be brown, possibly a bit clumsy, not very good at math, and is still willing to take the risk of loving me anyway. *sigh* Finally!

Growing out of Possible things

When I started this blog I titled it "With God (& the Internet) all things are possible. I was inspired by the title because I felt like I had SO much to accomplish and it was nice to be reminded that my life wasn't impossible, I could get where I needed to be, and that there was no reason I should be failing at anything because,

1. I had God

2. I had the Internet.

Seriously. What can't you do with that combo?

And as always, whether spoken or unspoken I expected a lot out of myself. And I Needed a lot out of myself. I needed to get somewhere, I needed to get something, I needed to see someone...

I figured once I took care of everything I "needed" I would be fine. Settled. Secure. Happy.

What I failed to think about was the pure FACT that as long as I'm alive I will always NEED something!

I subconsciously thought I would outgrow this title, that one day I wouldn't need to be reminded that with God all things are possible. Because I would've accomplished every possible thing and would someday be forced to change the title because it wouldn't apply to my life anymore...

As if I could grow out of "possible things" to do!

Well...this year I STILL- NEED to get somewhere, NEED to get something, and NEED to see someone.

I have SO much I need to accomplish this year! Just like last year...and the year before...

Yet I'm a much less scared person this time around...but I still need reminders that "With God (& the internet) all things are possible. Because this life is freaking scary sometimes!

One this is clear though. The title of this blog won't be changing anytime soon due to me accomplishing too much!

I am. According to Me.

Next time someone asks...

I'm everything I want to be.

I have a video of my niece when she was about 6 that my friend took on her camera phone. She said "Skai, tell me about yourself"

"My name is Skai...I'm an athlete, I'm a dancer, I'm a singer, ummm, I'm an athlete, I'm a basketball player, I'm a cheerleader...I'm a tennis player, I'm an athlete.... ummm...my name is Skai."

Now how good was she at any of these things? As good as any 6 year old girl can be. But in her mind did her lack of a job, skill, or age take away her right to be any of these things in her heart? Absolutely not!

As a 1st grader, she taught me that, you don't have to be Michael Angelo to be an artist, you don't have to play in the NBA to be a basketball player, you don't have to go to Juliard to be a dancer, you don't have a degree to be a teacher.

For me that meant you don't have to have a record deal to be a singer, you don't have to publish a book to be a writer, and I don't have to be Ralph Lauren to be a fashion designer. Maybe the world wouldn't label me as such but as far as I'm concerned,

I'm a singer. Even if it is only according to YouTube

I'm a writer. Even if it is only according to Blogger and Wordpress

I'm a fashion designer. Even if it is only according to Etsy

I'm HAPPY!

With God, the Internet, and Skai, this is possible

PS. This isn't the video of my niece, but its TOO cute and sort of works with what I'm trying to say =) Just enjoy it!

Public Explosions via The Internet

You've had a day like my today, I'm sure of it.

Not that everything went wrong, but everything that happened bugged the mess outta you. So when I say I had a bad day I'm talking about the bad days that you see in movies where EVERYTHING is extreme and you feel so awful for the main character until the end when it all works out. My day isn't over yet so I can't tell you if it ends well.

But the scary part about my day isn't how disturbingly awful it was, but that the only place I have to vent about it is the internet. Where anyone and everyone who is willing has access.

I'd say I've done a pretty good job about maintaining my social profiles with a strict sense of privacy, nobody ever knows exactly what I'm doing, I barely update my status's on Facebook and usually make fun of people who do. I try to give people insight but not information, so they think they know, but they really have NO idea.

I don't tweet constantly about my day, I try to use that strictly for my business and to update people on blog posts, and pictures of new products.

But every now and then I slip. Because of some extreme emotion, sadness, anger, bitterness, happiness, whatever the case may be, and I let "them" know too much and just TYPE and click "publish" or "submit"

I feel the regret almost immediately after when I realize that people actually READ that stuff and I start getting comments! =/ Comments from people who care, text messages from my closer friends and all of a sudden I'm deflecting the inquiry's requiring me to explain. I don't want to explain, I just want to be bitter!

In my haste I assume everyone is just like me, who skims all the content of the site, not taking anything to seriously and rarely taking time to comment or take seriously what is being posted. But all too quickly I realize not everyone is like me and people out there do read what's in front of them, that's not weird. I should expect that.

I can't start making a habit of updating the world wide web of my happenings, pretty soon they'll see the monsoon of an emotional roller coaster I ride everyday. From my status update worthy dates with KP, my tweet worthy rants, and the blogs written through a torrential down pour of tears, I'd for sure have more followers because that's some interesting crap. But I'm sure I'd have less real life friends. So I'm gonna have to learn how to control myself in the future when I feel a public explosion brewing inside and just grab the journal that I carry in my purse.

Don't need to expose "today's" like that.

With God and my journal all things are possible.

checked out Kimmy @Glee

I don't usually do random posts BUT I auditioned for GLEE today! And I'd love it if you'd visit my audition and give me a Gold Star. I don't know if the Gold Stars help you be chosen but it couldn't hurt to try huh?

checked out Kimmy @Glee

If that link doesn't work you can try this one

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=19758914

With God, the internet and YOU, this is possible!

Thanks! And Enjoy!

Being Jealous of Myself

I'm starting a new thing in my world.

Being jealous of my life.

I've figured out why my feet have hurt for the past 26 years, 7 months, and 21 days. I've been trying to walk in someone else's shoes! And I have BIG FEET!

I'm always jealous of someone else's job, their apartment, their income, their relationship, their shoes...when in fact, someone else may be trying to fill mine.

Why don't I see my life, my work, my time, my relationship as something to be jealous of?! I don't know? Maybe it's because I'm too close to see the blessing. But I'm most likely too greedy and want it all right now.

I've always wanted so much more out of my life than anyone I've ever known, so how do I expect to fit my big life into someone else's little shoes? My jealousy of everyone else is making me dream smaller!

STUPID!

So from today forward I will stop thinking that the best thing for my life is YOUR life, and become totally JEALOUS of the sexy life I'm living! (That was a joke. haha? Nothing about my life is "sexy" not even close.)

But I am on my journey to somewhere...and with God and the Internet, I'll get there.

Spilling it all over faceless strangers

I don't like talking about myself.

(I totally get the irony of saying that on a public world wide blog, but I'm a living contradiction. I know. It gets worse.)

I don't like being judged and although I want others peoples opinions and advice...I DON'T WANT ANYONE'S OPINIONS OR ADVICE.

Today I complained about how my friends don't ask how I'm doing or what's going on. I got mad and complained and whined about how they don't care.

But last week my sister asks me what my plans are for the future and I end up bawling my brains out and writing a blog through tears/a blurry waterfall. (Not recommended. I did NOT end up posting it. Thank God I came to my senses!)

Then tonight my dad asks me what I plan on doing when I come back from the east coast this summer and I avoid eye contact, and shove my Philly Cheesesteak down my throat, while I mumble through my plan...

So although I'd like to spill my guts all over my family and friends, I can't. I'd rather spill them out to a world who will never meet me.

And with God and mostly the internet I can enable myself to continue showing myself to the world and hiding from those who love me. WHAT?!

well...lucky you?