It's yours! Give it to ME!

MINE MINE MINE!!

Does the 3 year old in you ever proudly present itself in your present life? You know when you're making a sandwich and your roommate (in my case, my mother) comes by to borrow the butter knife you took out, and starts to get butter for their toast, and you feel yourself SNATCH it back and yell...

that's MINE!

My internal toddler is about to bare her nasty whine.

Maybe it's me being hyper sensitive but I swear my inner circle is abusing my time. The main problem being that they don't take me starting a business seriously, therefore when I say I'm working, they hear I'm "working."

To the naked eye all anyone can see is me going to the thrift store and cutting up shirts in the back room of my parents house, with no real income and living out of my savings. Doesn't look like much huh? Well I gotta start somewhere.

So lately I've been getting a lot of requests to do things, random things like, babysit, open the garage door, drop off my dry cleaning, etc... all during my work day!

And it's not requested meaning: Can you do this? It's requested meaning: "Here's my dry cleaning. Take it to the one by the gym. Here's $4. That should be enough."

"Here's my baby, I need you to watch her this week."

"I lost my garage door opener. Stop sewing your bag and come open it for me."

WHAT!

I cried last night to KP, and being the engineer that he is, he tried to find and fix the problem. But I couldn't pin point it. All I wanted to say was MINE MINE MINE WHAAAAAAAAHHHH!

I'm living a life that has nothing to do with me.

Ever since I've been home I've scared myself into thinking that I'm burdening everyone by being here. So I've literally run myself ragged trying to make their lives easier.

I don't think it's bad thing to want my own things. Like my own time, my own problems, my own joys. Even poor people have these things.

I want to snatch my life back screaming MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!

With God, the internet and lots of time I can make this happen!

Marshmallow Meltdown

Mental meltdown to the extreme today.

Sorry mom.

I don't think a lot of my friends get it. I tell them I'm living at home and they look at me with envy and say, "I would do that in a minute."

Really?

Then they all launch into how they would live at home and stack and save their money. That's great. You're willing to sacrifice your freedom, independence and everything that comes with adulthood for money...

Maybe that's the problem. I've NEVER been money motivated. My dad offered to pay me, by the 1/2 hour, one summer for practicing basketball. I think I made $20. I've tried network marketing and couldn't envision the endless supply of residual income at the cost of losing a year of my life to build a business. I've turned jobs down with good pay, and lived on a budget of $14 a week for food. I'm just not willing to sacrifice myself for money.

I think that's why living with my parents is so tough. And it's not totally their fault. They've been pretty respectful of me and my things, even though I've made quite the mess a few times with all of my sewing stuff and I'm sure it's harder for them to have this "intruder" living in their house after all these years of being alone, than it is for me to give up my personal space and be able to live near my family again.

I'm probably selfish. But I can't figure out how to adjust. I just freaked out at my mom for mixing 3 stale marshmallows with a bag of new marshmallows...seriously. I had tears in my eyes.

Who does that?!

ME

I just want to be able to live here peacefully until I have the means to live somewhere else. Which if I'm serious about starting this business, and I am, I'm going to have to stick it out and take a chill pill when I don't get my way. It's not my house and I finally have to freedom to start a business.

Lord knows how long it'll take...

But with God and the internet I will make it possible!